Just Peachy

I was recently reading a post on Phoenix's blog that reminded me of something that happened to the daughter of a family friend. Thought I might share it.

Once upon a time, a young woman was working at a convenience store in a small semi-rural town. She was working the swing shift to help pay for school.

Now, usually someone else worked the shift with her, because she tended to work weekends and those were busy nights. But one week she covered the shift for someone on a different night and ended up working by herself.

Late that rainy night a man came into the store and started wandering up and down the aisles as if looking for something. After a few minutes he came up to the counter and asked if they had any peaches. "I'm looking for canned peaches and I can't find them." The young woman replied that the peaches were on isle 2. The man went to isle 2 looked around and came back to the counter. "I can't find them. Would you see if you can?"

By now the young woman was beginning to think that there was something wrong with the man, but she complied and went to the isle where the peaches were and then called to him, "Do you want the large can or the small one?" He replied that the large one would be fine. When she returned to the register with the can of peaches, she saw that the man had opened his raincoat. Underneath he was naked. And to add insult to injury, he was standing with his hips up against the counter and his penis laying on the counter.

Very flustered and not sure quite what to do, she didn't want to encourage him, she did the first thing that came to mind. "That will be $2.oo sir", she said as she slammed the can down onto the penis.

Of course the man then fell to the floor moaning and screaming and holding himself. She, being a kind hearted girl, began to worry that she might have done him serious damage and called the paramedics.

When they arrived, they were a bit surprised to find a man lying on the floor holding his crotch, crying an wearing nothing but an overcoat and boots. As they placed him on a stretcher and started to raise it up and release the wheels, they asked what had happened. When they heard the story they laughed so hard that they dropped the stretcher and broke the man's arm.

My guess is that if the guy ever tries that again, he'll be asking for cotton balls.

Driver's Ed

OK, that's it. I cannot keep my mouth shut any longer! (As if I ever could.) Having moved here to PA last August, and keenly observing what pass as motorists in this state, I have a few things to say. Specifically to PA drivers. But if you don't live in PA and the shoe fits...well you know the rest.

1. You know those things on the sides of the road? The sticks with the funny shapes on top? They're called SIGNS. They have pictures on them or numbers or words. All of these have a PURPOSE. If you don't know how to read, then LEARN and if you do, THEN LEARN TO FOLLOW DIRECTIONS!

2. You know those pretty lines that are painted on the roadways? Contrary to what seems to be popular opinion, THEY ARE NOT ART! They have a PURPOSE. PICK A LANE, ANY LANE, AS LONG AS IT IS ONLY ONE AT A TIME!

3. Now, if this offends left handed people, I apologize. The reality is that in this country we drive on the RIGHT side of the road. And like it or not, left turns do NOT have the right of way. Even in Pennsylvania. I checked. So if you want to drive on the left or for left turns to have the right of way, I suggest you move to Europe.

4. An intersection is a place where two or more roads meet, cross or in some way come together. Notice those cool psychedelic lights hanging there? THEY ARE NOT FOR DECORATION! RED means to STOP. Preferably BEFORE entering said intersection. GREEN means to GO, not sit and check your makeup. And contrary to popular belief, as well as the movie Starman, YELLOW DOES NOT MEAN GO VERY FAST.

thanks for listening.

P.S. DO NOT USE THE RIGHT LANE TO TURN LEFT DAMN IT! y'all are startin' to piss me off!